INFINITY FACEBOOK: The Profile Pic Sympathy Enhancer
by Michelle Hogmire
Dear Faithful Facebookers:
Well, it’s certainly been a tough decision-making week for us all. A real rough one.
So, what did you choose? Did you drape your latest bar-selfie profile pic with the Tricolore to indicate your solidarity with Paris? Or did you cover an image of your child’s first day at school with the circled Hinomaru, hoping that the sun would shine on Japan again, in the aftermath of the earthquake? But one must also account for El saludo civil a la Bandera Nacional to support Mexico. And what about Beirut? What about Baghdad? It’s all just too much.
But fret not, my Faithful Facebookers, my lap-topped, tableted, smart-phoned, socially conscious sympathizers-from-afar. Here at Facebook, we feel your pain; we want all your “friends” to know about your UNICEF donations, just as much as you do. Perhaps even more.
In that spirit, this week, we’re pleased to introduce INFINITY FACEBOOK: The Profile Pic Sympathy Enhancer. No longer will you have to choose between a profile pic that foregrounds your strict veganism, or one that indicates your feminist sensibilities—because, let’s be honest here, it’s just too damn hard to choose. So, WHY NOT HAVE THEM ALL.
With INFINITY FACEBOOK, you can have an infinite amount of profile pics, all at once, in order to showcase all of your causes, passions, and reasons for living. You’re a millennial, with a fluid identity, so please, leave no terrorist attack or school shooting unturned. You’re better than that. We know that you’re way too complicated and complex for just one profile pic. Trust me, we know.
So give INFINITY FACEBOOK a try: Because your capacity for sympathy certainly isn’t finite—so why should your profile pic be?
Best INFINTE wishes,
“Marky” Mark Zuckerberg
Michelle Hogmire is a literary agent assistant at Barbara Braun Associates and the Business Manager for Columbia: A Journal of Literature and Art. She grew up in West Virginia and has a BA in Creative Writing from Marshall University. She currently attends the MFA program at Columbia University and lives in New York City.